GLORIOUS toe tapping kitschy tack!

… or the disco playlist rejigged.

I’ve created my masterclass playlist, a mixture of tacky, trashy and ultimately very kitschy fun. Don’t think of this music as arguably lacking style (I say arguably, I find it all kind of magical) but sentimentality pleasing, euphoric and full of panache. I do.


Starting (depending on whether you’re choosing the Spotify or Youtube playlist) on Pia Zadora’s deleted number from one her biggest flops, or Olivia’s double entendre led physical workout number if you’re on spotify and keep going..

The playlist in full –

The Spotify playlist in full –



You Bring Out the Lover in me

added because of its complete and utter tack value, first and foremost, last and always (this will be a regular feature in theme music for the movies). Pia Style


added for the flashy/trashy lyrics, you know what I mean? Plus, this is the Sandy after the credits rolled, and the leather came off. Olivia

Special lyric mention – I’m saying all the things that I know you’ll like/
Making good conversation/
I gotta handle you just right/ You know what I mean?

Yes, Olivia, I know, I understand and I hear you!


You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real)

added for the falsetto vocals & its D-I-S-C-O legacy. This is iconic material. Also because it belongs in every throwback ’70s parties where the wigs are acrylic and all the womenthere call each other Darlin’, like our darlin’ Sylvester. Sylvester_and_the_Hot_Band-Bazaar_b






Woman in Love

Creepy BS

added for the wonderfully overwrought, sentimental lyrics made for the Shirley Valentine crowd. It might sound like I’m being sarcastic, but I really like the lyrics, and it’s a right I defend/Over and over again/What do I do?

Love Crazy

added because its the rather limp hurrah for the Carry On movies (which I love), when they tried to incoporate flat out sex with D-I-S-C-O (see also You Bring Out the Lover in Me).





Hollywood Wives

added because these women fight to survive/ In the jungle of beauty/ Where looks can cut like knives. Seriously.

Oh, and the song is perfection too, of course.

Hollywood Wives






Gloria (italian version)

added because it’s a gloriously kitschy number, reminisicent of what I presume to be almost lounge music, only in Italian and a genre that you associate with Eurovision. The music practically ricochets out of the speakers. Gloria – you’re glorious.





The Bitch

Bitchadded because it’s another soundtrack theme, specifically D-I-S-C-O related and rhymes witch with bitch. Also because the chorus has a wonderfully conversation tone, which heightens the production values.

Lead singer – Bitch /(backing chorus) – aha! /Lead singer – I said bitch!

Shame on You


added because it’s the love theme to an actual pornographic movie, sang by the lead actress. Now, that’s trashy trivia. Plus the breathy whisper and rather basic lyrics (as far as I can see/Love’s insatiable to me/Shame on me) make this a true pulp throwaway song.

Gay World

added because safe sex is important. Leoncie seems to be going for a particular fan base with this number, however nobody quite understands her motivations in filming this video in a sex shop. It’s a song doused in PVC and excellent lyrics (I won’t spoil them by quoting any here), thanks, Leoncie.

Icy 3





When I Need You

added because Australian crooner, Leo Sayer with the wild, unrestained hair (who’ was actually born in Britain) really brings bubblegum back to the mainstream. Just taking pole position over its rather pulpy rival, Sometimes When We Touch, When I Need You hits the notes for the love-forlorn across the UK, especially the lyric about ‘holding hands and ‘touching’ love.





Forever and Ever

added because it’s fantastic, actually and, while it’s a pity he’s so fat, he doesn’t sound it, right, Tone?




added because it’s the Anglo interpretation of Gloria, with pulsating 80s beats propelling it into our hearts and minds. The lyrics are a little cold and sharp (If everybody wants you/Why isn’t anybody calling? Calling Glorrrrrriaaaaa) but Branigan really sells Gloria’s story, which is basically a plea for Gloria to stop being such a tart and settle down. Once again, glorious.







Kiss Me Thru the Phone

added partly because it’s the most modern of the entries and equally because of its excellent lyrics/sound effects. I like the ringing of the phone a lot (Six, seven, eight, triple nine, eight, two, one, two) and the da, da, da, da, da lyrics. Clearly there wasn’t much scope with this song but they really made it work. Just as excellent is all the rivalries SoUlja Boy has committed to in staying ‘fresh’ in the business (although, admittedly, we’re still waiting for his follow up material). If only Sayer had as strong a hook.



Killer in the Park  Icy 2

added primarily because Leoncie really encapsualtes the happy-go-lucky nature of the serial killer. Anything and everything Leoncie does belongs in this chart. She’s rarely hit a note in tune, but her electronic keyboard skills are to die for.


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